Whatever State...

The Apostle Paul wrote in his letter to the Philippian church that he had learned to be quite content whatever his circumstances, some versions phrase it "whatever state I'm in I've learned to be content."

Wow! I wish I could learn that. Lately my state has been one of continual overwhelm. I mean, I was the mom who showed up at mom club without diapers for two of my kids. And the mom who had to scrounge for money to pay for dinner at Chick-Fil-A Family Night because somehow the wallet was left at home...in the diaper bag on the dining room table. (Thanks to M from MOPS for the diapers, they came in handy tonight!!) That mom who lets her toddlers play with plastic bowls in the cabinet because it means she can cook dinner without screaming? Me! And the one who forgets who has which appointment on which day and drives for an hour to find out the appointment was rescheduled? Not me. :-)

My point is that I am beyond stressed out. I have been a very grumpy mama and today all three little Monkeys were crying, so I joined them. There was little else I could do. I prayed for calm and quiet, sang sweet songs, then happy songs...to no avail. I was exhausted, frustrated, and overwhelmed.

Then I'm sure you can guess what came next: negative self-talk, guilt for not being able to handle the life God has given me, loathing of my "weakness", pity, the list can go on and on.

As I had the brilliant idea of writing to process my overwhelm, God hit me with verse I referenced above. That got me thinking, "umm God how can I be content when I'm so stressed? I'm grateful for these children but couldn't You have made them automatons that obey the first time? I'm just tired and all they do is fight and scream!" (I'm sure you talk to Him the same way, right?)

Just as I was in the midst of an epic pity party with the main attraction a "blame-God-a-thon", I wondered why I was stressed. Don't I help out the moms who can't get their tired toddler in a stroller? Or let a friend borrow a phone to text her husband that hers is at home? If I can extend them grace, why not have some for myself? Why is perfection expected in me, but lack of perfection is completely acceptable in another mom?

I realized I was evaluating my being a "good mom" against what I thought a good mom should be (perfect), not what God wants for me and definitely not based on my strengths and abilities.

Can a "good mom" occasionally forget things and be stressed out? Can a "good mom" make a mistake or a bad choice? I say "Yes"!

So my definition of "good mom" has to change. What would define a good mom? Her children are fed, clothed, not filthy. A good mom teaches boundaries even when the lessons don't stick. She loves on her children through everything and her kids know they can come to her for hugs.

As I was reevaluating my definition of  a good mom, I wondered if my definition of content was wrong as well. What do you picture when you think of content? I imagine a newborn who has a fresh diaper, has been fed and burped and is sleeping peacefully.

For a baby, that is contentment. But what about for me? I'm not a baby. I'm a mom of four monkeys, with a husband, and a blog. Blissful slumber is rare around here. Sleep is nearly extinct.

Thinking on all the Apostle Paul has lived through, and all I'm living through; then comparing his contentment with my image of content made me realize that I'm pretty sure my view of content is wrong. I don't see Paul just sleeping away while in jail; he praised God. Time after time, Paul looked at his situation and found a way to praise God no matter the circumstances.

Maybe content isn't the lack of stress. Maybe content is the presence of trust in God and choosing to be the best mom I can be no matter the circumstances. Maybe contentment is just another form of praising, worshiping and trusting God.

What do you think?