The Name Game

To change or not to change?

For many adoptive parents that is the question. I know it's been a hot topic around here for a while.

When parents adopt from foster care, the children already come with names. Some of the monikers are cute; some are doozies.

There are many reasons to change a child's name:
•Change of identity for safety of the child (kidnapping threat, threat of violence from BPs, hostile BioFamily)
•Their birth-name is socially inappropriate (I've known children named for restaurants, fountain drinks, motorcycles, and female body parts).
•The child is old enough to choose a new name.

There are equally good reasons NOT to change the name:
•The name has cultural significance.
•The child is old enough to choose to keep the name.
•The adoptive family will stay in close contact with part of the BioFamily and wishes to honor that connection.

In some cultures, changing one's name has a huge significance. In Catholicism, one chooses the name of a saint for confirmation.

Name changing is Biblical as well. Abram became Abraham; Sarai became Sarah; Naomi, Mara because she became bitter; Jesus changed Levi's name to Matthew; Saul changed his name after that fateful encounter on the road to Damascus, so we now know him as Paul. Moses was given his name by the daughter of Pharoah, his adopted mom.

And that last example hits closest to home. We are choosing to change the name of the children we are adopting. We have many, many reasons. Some of which are entirely too personal to share on a blog.

Some of you love us enough to respect our choice and are helping the children adjust to their new names. Thank you.

Some of you will have trouble adjusting. We will honor that and give you time.

Some of you disagree with our choice.
You are entitled to your opinion.


To put it bluntly, whether you disagree or have difficulty adjusting, the fact that our children's names will legally be different than they are right now is not going away. We are changing their names. Your opinions have been weighed; your complaints noted. However, at the end of the day: MY name is going on their birth certificates in the blank for "mother", not yours.

Please choose to respect us by calling the children by their adopted names after adoption.

Thank you,
A mom VERY weary of defending the choice every mother gets to make.