Questions, Questions

When people see our little family, a lot of questions arise.
What are their names?
How old are they?
Are they twins? (this is typically asked about Tutu Monkey and Silly Monkey because they are close in size)
How do you do it?


Or comments are made:
Boy, you have your hands full!
I bet they keep you on your toes.
Creative Monkey is such a good big brother! He works so well with his little brothers and sister.
Oh! You have such great kids.


When they find we are a foster family, even more questions are raised:
Did she not want them?
How could she not want her kids?
Is she (looking around and whispering) on drugs?
Didn't she fight for them?
How could she give them up?

More comments are made.
(I will refrain from posting them because they are not polite and not worth repeating.)

Let me say that ALL moms, whether biomoms, foster moms, or adoptive moms, LOVE to brag on their kids. They love to have people notice and ooh and ah over their children. They love to see the smiles as their gaggle makes their way through the mall. I'm adjusting to drawing attention with our crew. I mean, it takes a double stroller and a separate stroller to get through the mall, plus CM is generally pushing a stroller and Jay or I are holding the kid who doesn't want to be in the stroller. So, I would probably stare, too (especially when the kids are as stinkin' cute as mine are!).

However, there are just some questions and thoughts that are not welcome. Some are absolutely inappropriate no matter the relationship. Some are downright rude or mean. Most are disrespectful.

We (Jay and I) attempt to live our lives with respect and courtesy to all those around us. We've had to draw some pretty firm boundaries on relationships that refuse to respect us or our way of parenting. It hurts and it's hard. However, when someone grills me about my children's bio-parents' mistakes, it makes the Mama Bear rage!

I do NOT want my children having to live down the fact that their bio-parents made mistakes and bad choices. I want to honor their bio-parents in every way. Does that mean I sugar coat things? No! However, there are respectful ways to relay information. Also, we are finding that adoptive parents who handle the bio-parents story with respect and dignity don't have those "made for TV movie"-type blowups. There are fewer hurt feelings.


The Bible tells us to honor our mother and father that our days may be long on the Earth. We are choosing to honor not only our bio-mom and dad, but also the bio-parents of our children. We want to always treat these wonderful creations of God with love, respect, and dignity. Because without them, we would not have our little miracles. My heart went in two completely opposite directions the day I found out we were one step closer to adopting; it soared because my prayers were being answered; it broke because bio-mom's heart was breaking. She and I are forever linked because of these amazing children.

So please, please I beg you, respect me and my children by treating their bio-parents with respect.