Foster Mom, not SuperMom

I've noticed we moms pile a ton of stuff on our plates that no one else expects of us. Our husbands don't expect it. Our kids don't expect it. Our girlfriends even think we are a tiny bit insane. However, we just keep pushing and striving to finish all those items on a to do list that is way too big in the first place.

For me, it's about being able to see that little checkmark in the box. Without that list, I turn into a lump. For others, it's perfectionism that drives their family crazy. For some moms it might be a remnant of the career life, or college life, or just unrealistic expectations.

I think that's what it all boils down to: expectations. I've learned in my marriage that most hurt feelings are because of unrealized expectations. Whether realistic or unrealistic, expectations that aren't met hurt. And when I hurt, I often harm my children's feelings or my husband's feelings.

So in the interest of our families ladies, let's examine our expectations. I check in with Jay often to see if I'm being too hard on myself or setting expectations too high. I check in with mom friends on how much they do. But most importantly, I do a self-check. I sit still and ask the Holy Spirit to guide my thoughts concerning my self-talk and expectations. Many times when I'm grumpy and blue, He whispers words of wisdom or insight that I've never experienced before. Often He comforts me with verses I've memorized.

Ladies, we do NOT have to be SuperMom!!! Our children can't enjoy us when we are grumpy and exhausted from completing our to do list! Stop. Take a breath. Relax in knowing that the MOST important thing you can and should do today is love on your children. They are our gift from God! To neglect them is to neglect God Himself. Don't believe me? Check out Matthew 25 around verse 35.

As a foster mom, I have a few more obligations (read paperwork, appointments, and inspections) than a typical mom. Even so, I work very hard to keep my expectations real and relevant.

Do you have expectations that are too high? Too low? Are you too hard on yourself and your entire family suffers?

Questions, Questions

When people see our little family, a lot of questions arise.
What are their names?
How old are they?
Are they twins? (this is typically asked about Tutu Monkey and Silly Monkey because they are close in size)
How do you do it?


Or comments are made:
Boy, you have your hands full!
I bet they keep you on your toes.
Creative Monkey is such a good big brother! He works so well with his little brothers and sister.
Oh! You have such great kids.


When they find we are a foster family, even more questions are raised:
Did she not want them?
How could she not want her kids?
Is she (looking around and whispering) on drugs?
Didn't she fight for them?
How could she give them up?

More comments are made.
(I will refrain from posting them because they are not polite and not worth repeating.)

Let me say that ALL moms, whether biomoms, foster moms, or adoptive moms, LOVE to brag on their kids. They love to have people notice and ooh and ah over their children. They love to see the smiles as their gaggle makes their way through the mall. I'm adjusting to drawing attention with our crew. I mean, it takes a double stroller and a separate stroller to get through the mall, plus CM is generally pushing a stroller and Jay or I are holding the kid who doesn't want to be in the stroller. So, I would probably stare, too (especially when the kids are as stinkin' cute as mine are!).

However, there are just some questions and thoughts that are not welcome. Some are absolutely inappropriate no matter the relationship. Some are downright rude or mean. Most are disrespectful.

We (Jay and I) attempt to live our lives with respect and courtesy to all those around us. We've had to draw some pretty firm boundaries on relationships that refuse to respect us or our way of parenting. It hurts and it's hard. However, when someone grills me about my children's bio-parents' mistakes, it makes the Mama Bear rage!

I do NOT want my children having to live down the fact that their bio-parents made mistakes and bad choices. I want to honor their bio-parents in every way. Does that mean I sugar coat things? No! However, there are respectful ways to relay information. Also, we are finding that adoptive parents who handle the bio-parents story with respect and dignity don't have those "made for TV movie"-type blowups. There are fewer hurt feelings.


The Bible tells us to honor our mother and father that our days may be long on the Earth. We are choosing to honor not only our bio-mom and dad, but also the bio-parents of our children. We want to always treat these wonderful creations of God with love, respect, and dignity. Because without them, we would not have our little miracles. My heart went in two completely opposite directions the day I found out we were one step closer to adopting; it soared because my prayers were being answered; it broke because bio-mom's heart was breaking. She and I are forever linked because of these amazing children.

So please, please I beg you, respect me and my children by treating their bio-parents with respect.

Meet the Fam

Here is a introduction to our little family:

Sunni (pronounced like sunny)- That's me and I'm the mama in this house. :)  I'm a stay-at-home mom who loves my monkeys.

Jay- He's my amazing and magnificent husband. He works more than full time to support us, then comes home and works full-time helping me keep the house in running order.

Creative Monkey-He's our oldest and my husband's biological child from a previous marriage. That means I get the honor of being his stepmom. He's a really cool kid who likes to make up his own games and is currently in a comic book creation phase. We read/watch lots of Garfield and other classic comics.
  
Tutu Monkey-She's our only girl and our oldest foster child. She also is God's special gift to me. :)

Silly Monkey-He's our middle foster child, our first-ever foster child, and he is very silly.

Mini Monkey- He's our youngest foster child.

Yes, we have four children and we get quite a few looks while out and about. :)

Welcome!

Welcome as I attempt to start a blog.


I am Sunni, a Mama of Many Monkeys. :)   I call the children who live in my home monkeys for many reasons:
 1) It's easier than explaining how each child is "mine"
 2) They act like monkeys; so why not?
 3) They like monkeys.
 4)  Monkeys are fun!

We are family that God has brought together in a way different from most families. I am blessed with a stepson from my husband's first marriage. We are a foster family and moving toward adoption for some of the children we foster.

Since we are an active foster family, I am very limited with what I can share about the kids and can never call them by name on the blog. Also to protect our family's identity, I will use "Blog Names" for all of us. Feel free to leave comments, but if you know us in person, please respect our safety by using our Blog Names.

Thanks!